St. Sophia Etiquette

BAPTISM

WEDDINGS

DIVORCE

FUNERALS

MEMORIALS

BAPTISM

A person who wishes to sponsor a candidate for Baptism or Chrismation must be an Orthodox Christian in good standing and a supporting member of an Orthodox parish. A person may not serve as a godparent if his or her marriage has not been blessed by the Church or, if civilly divorced, he or she has not been granted an ecclesiastical divorce, or for any other reason he or she is not in communion with the Orthodox Church.
Baptisms may not be performed from Christmas Day through the Feast of Theophany (December 25-January 6), during Holy Week, or on any of the Great Feastdays of the Lord.

DIVORCE

The parish priest must exert every effort to reconcile the couple and avert a divorce. However, should he fail to bring about a reconciliation, after a civil divorce has been obtained, he will transmit the petition of the party seeking the ecclesiastical divorce, together with the decree of the civil divorce, to the Spiritual Court of the Diocese. The petition must include the names and surnames of the husband and wife, the wife's surname prior to marriage, their addresses, the name of the priest who performed the wedding, and the date and place of the wedding. The petitioner must be a member in good standing with the parish through which he or she is petitioning for divorce. Orthodox Christians of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese who have obtained a civil divorce but not an ecclesiastical divorce may not participate in any sacraments of the Church or serve on the Parish Council, Diocesan Council or Archdiocesan Council until they have been granted a divorce by the Church.

FASTING

Just as there are times for feasting, there are also times set aside for fasting. During these periods, certain foods are prohibited. These are, in order of frequency of prohibition, meat (including poultry), dairy products, fish, olive oil and wine. Fruits, vegetables, grains and shellfish are permitted throughout the year. Of course, the Orthodox Church never reduces the practice of fasting to a legalistic observance of dietary rules. Fasting, that is not accompanied by intensified prayer and acts of charity, inevitably becomes a source of pride.

The Church also recognizes that not everyone can fast to the same degree, and assumes that individual Christians will observe the fast prescribed for them by their spiritual fathers.

The following are fasting days and seasons:

All Wednesdays and Fridays, except for those noted below;
The day before the Feast of Theophany (January 5);
Cheesefare Week (the last week before the Great Lent, during which meat and fish are prohibited, but dairy products are permitted even on Wednesday and Friday); ;
Great Lent (from Clean Monday through the Friday before Lazarus Saturday, olive oil and wine are permitted on weekends);
Great and Holy Week (note that Great and Holy Saturday is a day of strict fasting, during which the faithful abstain from olive oil and wine);
Holy Apostles' Fast (from the Monday after All Saints' Day through June 28, inclusive);
Fast for the Dormition of the Mother of God (August 1-14, excluding August 6), on which fish, wine and olive oil are permitted);
Beheading of St. John the Baptist (August 29);
Exaltation of the Holy Cross (September 14); and
Nativity Lent (November 15-December 24, although fish, wine and olive oil are permitted, except on Wednesdays and Fridays, until December 17).

The following are fasting days on which fish, wine and olive oil are permitted:

The Feast of the Annunciation (March 25, unless it falls outside the Great Lent, in which case all foods are permitted);
Palm Sunday;
The Feast of the Transfiguration (August 6); and
The Feast of the Entry into the Temple of the Mother of God (November 21).

On the following days, all foods are permitted:

The first week of the Triodion, from the Sunday of the Publican and the Pharisee through the Sunday of the Prodigal Son, including Wednesday and Friday;
Diakainisimos (or Bright) Week, following the Sunday of Pascha;
The week following Pentecost; and
From the Feast of the Nativity of the Lord (December 25) to January 4.

FUNERALS

Funeral services are permitted on any day of the year, except for Sundays and Holy Friday, unless permission is granted from the diocesan Bishop.

MEMORIALS

Memorial services may not be chanted from the Saturday of Lazarus through the Sunday of Thomas, on any Feastday of the Lord or any Feastday of the Theotokos.

RECEIVING HOLY COMMUNION

There is a special cup which holds the wine that becomes the blood of Christ. We call it the chalice, the cup of salvation. When we kneel during the liturgy, we pray with the priest that God the Holy Spirit may change the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus. This means that when we approach to receive Holy Communion, Jesus comes to live in us.

Who may receive Holy Communion in the Orthodox Church?

Orthodox Christians fully participate in the celebration of the Liturgy when they receive the body and blood of the Lord Jesus in the sacrament of holy communion, as the Lord commands (John 6:53). To receive communion in the Orthodox Church, one must be a practicing Orthodox Christian. This means that you must be baptized and/or chrismated in the Orthodox Church and that your beliefs and lifestyle are in accordance with the teachings of the Church.

We welcome those Christians not fully united with us in faith and life to our celebration of the Liturgy. Unfortunately, the guidelines offered above exclude those who are not of the Orthodox faith from the reception of communion. This is a sad and painful consequence of the painful divisions that exist within Christianity. Because we believe the reception of communion to be an action of the celebrating community that signifies a complete unity in matters of faith, life and worship, the reception of communion by Christians not fully united with us in faith would imply a unity that does not yet exist in reality. We pray that these divisions among Christians in fundamental beliefs and practices will lessen and finally disappear, in keeping with Christ's prayer for His disciples "that they may all be one" (John 17:21).

We also welcome to the celebration of the Liturgy those who do not share our faith in Jesus as Christ and Lord. While we cannot extend an invitation to receive communion, we invite those visiting our parish to pray with us for peace and unity within the human family and hear the Good News of Jesus Christ.

What should we do to prepare to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus?

In order to be properly prepared for this encounter with Christ, those seeking to receive communion should not be conscious of grave sin in their lives, having opened their hearts with prayer, fasted appropriately and lived with charity and love towards their neighbors. Because, as the apostle Paul teaches, it is possible to receive the body and blood of the Lord "in an unworthy manner" and actually be "sinning against the body and blood of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:27-30), those who are aware of grave sin in their lives should participate in the sacrament of confession - confess their sins and be reconciled to Christ and His Church - before approaching the chalice to receive communion. (Read 1 John 1:8-10; James 5:16; and John 20:19-23.) Frequent reception of the body and blood of Christ - at every Liturgy, if possible - is encouraged for all Orthodox Christians. This is in keeping with the ancient practice of the Church and the teaching of the saints. We receive communion four times each week - on Sunday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday - and on the other days when there is the remembrance of a saint.

We should pray. We should have love in our hearts for all people. We should ask forgiveness from God and from our parents, brothers, and sisters. Also from anyone we may have hurt. On the morning before going to the Divine Liturgy to receive Communion we do not eat or drink anything if our health allows, just as one would not spoil his appetite by eating before a special meal, so we sharpen our spiritual appetite for Christ through such fasting. But we must never allow an overemphasis on fasting to become a wall separating us from Christ Who wishes to come to us in every liturgy.

Approaching the Chalice

When we come before the priest for Holy Communion, our hands should not be in our pockets, but at our sides. We make the sign of the cross, tell the priest our baptismal name, hold the Communion cloth carefully under our chin, and open our mouth wide. We do not slurp from the spoon, nor should our teeth scrape on the spoon. After receiving Communion we wipe our lips carefully with the Communion cloth (not on our hand or shirtsleeve), make the sign of the cross, and hand the Communion cloth to the next person.
We are always careful that we do not allow Communion to fall from the communion spoon or from our lips onto our clothing or to the floor. For this reason we move very slowly toward the chalice and the communion spoon, and we do not pull our head away quickly after receiving. We are careful not to bump the chalice or the hand of the priest. After receiving Communion, we do not chew gum (or spit), because when we dispose of our gum it may contain particles of Holy Communion.
Once we have received Communion, we must remember that we have become one with Christ and with all those who received Communion with us. The same Christ now lives in all of us. We are all living icons of Jesus. It is by loving one another that we love Jesus. After receiving Communion our bodies become holy chalices. God has come to live in us. His blood now flows through our veins.
Jesus wants to use our hands, which have now become His hands, to help those in need. When we receive Communion, we become members of Christ’s Body, the Church. This means that Jesus has no eyes but our eyes, no feet but our feet to do His work in the world today. What kind, thoughtful act will you do for Jesus today?
NOTE: The Sacraments, including Holy Communion, are reserved only for baptized Orthodox Christians, in good standing with the church. Until other faiths are in full unity with us, Orthodox Christians cannot participate in other sacraments and non-Orthodox Christians cannot participate in Orthodox sacraments.

The Scriptural meaning of Holy Communion

The Lord Jesus said: "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, they will live forever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh. Amen, amen, I say to you: unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life and I will raise them up on the last day. For my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me." - John 6:35,51,53-57

The apostle Paul said: "The cup of blessing which we bless: is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break: is it not a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the same loaf.

For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you: that the Lord Jesus, on the night when he was betrayed, took a loaf of bread and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, This is my body which is broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me. In the same way, after supper, he also took the cup, saying, This cup is the New Testament in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me. For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.

Whoever, therefore, eats the bread of drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be answerable for the body and blood of the Lord. Examine yourselves and only then eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For all who eat and drink in an unworthy manner, without discerning the Lord's body, eat and drink judgment against themselves. For this reason, many of you are weak and ill and some have died. - 1 Corinthians 10:16-17; 11:23-30

Also, read the accounts of the Last Supper given at Matthew 26:26-29; Mark 14:22-25 and Luke 22:14-23.

MAKING THE SIGN OF THE CROSS

The Cross has been used by Christians from the early centuries as the most sacred emblem of the Christian Church, because it was made holy by the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died on the Cross to save us all from sin and death. That is why we venerate the Cross, kiss it, place it in our churches and homes, and wear it around our necks – so that we should never forget Jesus' love and death for us.

A person looking around on a Sunday morning may notice that different people cross themselves at different times. To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is a matter of personal piety and not of dogma. However, there are times in the service when crossing oneself is called for.

To cross: when you hear one of the variations of the phrase "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit"; before venerating an icon, Gospel, or Cross; when blessed with an icon, Cross, Gospel, or Chalice; entering and exiting the temple; when passing before the Altar

Not to Cross: (only bowing of the head): when blessed with hand (as in "Peace be unto all"), or censed. In receiving a blessing from a bishop or priest one does not make the sign of the Cross beforehand. "In this way ought we to distinguish between reverence toward holy things and toward persons"

We make the sign of the cross when we pray. In order to make the sign of the Holy and Life-giving Cross, the Orthodox Christian must join the tips of the thumb and two first fingers of the right hand, in memory of and to form the Holy Trinity. The union of the tips of these three fingers signify the equality and union of the Holy Trinity, at the same time, unmixed and unconfused. We bend the remaining fingers into our palm, in order to represent the two natures of Jesus Christ – True God and True Man. We raise our fingers to our forehead to respect the Holy Trinity ("Father, Son and Word of God, without beginning, and the Holy and Life-giving Spirit, Who together with the Father is worshiped and glorified") and make holy our minds and thoughts. We touch our abdomen signifying that the same Son of God descended from the heavens down to earth and was incarnated by the Holy Spirit in the womb of the Virgin Mary, becoming Man for our salvation. We touch our right shoulder (representing the right hand of God), then left, signifying that our Savior Jesus Christ stretched His spotless hands upon the cross for our sins and iniquities. He descended into Hades, then ascended into the heavens and sat at the right hand of the Father.

With this sign, we give our mind, our heart and our strength to the service of God.

WEDDINGS

For the union of a man and woman to be recognized as sacramentally valid by the Orthodox Church, the following conditions must be met:

The Sacrament of Matrimony must be celebrated by an Orthodox Priest of a canonical Orthodox jurisdiction, according to the liturgical tradition of the Orthodox Church, in a canonical Orthodox Church, and with the authorization of the diocesan Bishop.

Before requesting permission from his Bishop to perform the marriage, the Priest must verify that:

neither of the parties in question are already married to other persons, either in this country or elsewhere;
the parties in question are not related to each other to a degree that would constitute an impediment;
if either or both parties are widowed, they have presented the death certificate(s) of the deceased spouse(s);
if either or both of the parties have been previously married in the Orthodox Church, they have obtained ecclesiastical as well as civil divorce(s);
the party or parties who are members of a parish other than the one in which the marriage is to be performed have provided a certificate declaring them to be members in good standing with that parish for the current year; and
a civil marriage license has been obtained from civil authorities.
No person may marry more than three times in the Church, with permission for a third marriage granted only with extreme oikonomia.

In cases involving the marriage of Orthodox and non-Orthodox Christians, the latter must have been baptized, in water, in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Church cannot bless the marriage of an Orthodox Christian to a non-Christian.

The Sponsor (koumbaros or koumbara) must provide a current certificate of membership proving him or her to be an Orthodox Christian in good standing with the Church. A person who does not belong to a parish, or who belongs to a parish under the jurisdiction of a bishop who is not in communion with the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese, or who, if married, has not had his or her marriage blessed by the Orthodox Church, or, if divorced, has not received an ecclesiastical divorce, cannot be a sponsor. Non-Orthodox persons may be members of the wedding party, but may not exchange the rings or crowns.

Days When Marriage Is Not Permitted

Marriages are not performed on fast days or during fasting seasons; these include the Great Lent and Holy Week, August 1-15, August 29 (Beheading of St. John the Baptist), September 14 (Exaltation of the Holy Cross), and December 13-25. Nor are marriages celebrated on the day before and the day of a Great Feast of the Lord, including Theophany (January 5 and 6), Pascha, Pentecost, and Christmas (December 24 and 25). Marriages may be performed on these days only by permission of the diocesan Bishop.

Inter-Christian Marriages

It is a fact that, the more a couple has in common, the more likely they are to live together in peace and concord. Shared faith and traditions spare couples and their children, as well as their extended families, many serious problems, and help to strengthen the bonds between them. Even so, the Orthodox Church will bless marriages between Orthodox and non-Orthodox partners, provided that:

The non-Orthodox partner is a Christian who has been baptized, in water, in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit; and

The couple should be willing to baptize their children in the Orthodox Church and raise and nurture them in accordance with the Orthodox Faith.

A baptized Orthodox Christian whose wedding has not been blessed by the Orthodox Church is no longer in good standing with the Church, and may not receive the Sacraments of the Church, including Holy Communion, or become a Sponsor of an Orthodox Marriage, Baptism or Chrismation. A non-Orthodox Christian who marries an Orthodox Christian does not thereby become a member of the Orthodox Church, and may not receive the Sacraments, including Holy Communion, or be buried by the Church, serve on the Parish Council, or vote in parish assemblies or elections. To participate in the Church's life, one must be received into the Church by the Sacrament of Baptism or, in the case of persons baptized with water in the Holy Trinity, following a period of instruction, by Chrismation.

Inter-religious Marriages

Canonical and theological reasons preclude the Orthodox Church from performing the Sacrament of Marriage for couples where one partner is Orthodox and the other partner is a non-Christian. As such, Orthodox Christians choosing to enter such marriages fall out of good standing with their Church and are unable to actively participate in the life of the Church. While this stance may seem confusing and rigid, it is guided by the Orthodox Church's love and concern for its member's religious and spiritual well-being.

Prohibited Marriages

The following types of relationships constitute impediments to marriage:

Parents with their own children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren, or godchildren of the same godparents.
Brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.
Uncles and aunts with nieces and nephews.
First cousins with each other.
Foster parents with foster children or foster children with the children of foster parents.
Godparents with godchildren or godparents with the parents of their godchildren.